Bring on the new year

This Christmas kinda blew. I dunno. I was never really in the "Christmas spirit" for some reason. I was just living through it. Don't get me wrong, I got amazing gifts from everyone and I was really excited to give my presents, but I still wasn't really satisfied with everyone's reactions. I mean they all loved my gifts...I can't really explain it. I've been in a sort of funk ever since my co-worker walked out on me. I hate change. I hate coming back to such a huge change. I don't like it when my little world has been tampered with in such a big way. It's frustrating. But I'm doing the best that I can. I'm dealing. There are so many changes that are about to happen and I need to man up and accept them all. Let's see...we got my weight loss, my family moving, my job, going back to school...Change is inevitable. It's always happening. I'm a fool to think otherwise. I need to suck it up. I don't have to like it, but like I said, I need to accept it. Life would be boring without change. So incredibly boring. And I think that's part of my problem. My life doesn't have enough change going on. I have the same routine practically every day (weekends not included). Get up, go to work, come home, bed, get up, go to work, come home, bed...How boring is that?? I'm like a robot. I need to live. I need to take the time and go out with my friends on week nights. So what if I get an hour or 2 less of sleep? I can catch up the next night :) I hate going to bed on the week nights though. I've joked about it with my coworkers, but I truly mean it. The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I have to get up and go to work. Isn't that an awful way to think?? Nobody should live like that. Nobody. And yet, here I am. Living the life I always dreaded to live. I need some excitement. That's my new years resolution - excitement. Next weekend, I'm going through my closet and getting rid of all the clothes I don't wear anymore. I going through all the junk I own and I'm throwing away the stuff I don't use. I'm ready to look change in the eye. I'm embracing it, welcoming it with open arms. This is what I need. Some of you are probably laughing, but I'm taking baby steps. I will overcome this! :)

Anyways, this blog turned in to something I really wasn't expecting. Didn't mean to rant like that. But I must admit, I do feel better! Happy New Year! :) I hope you all had an amazing holiday. Thanks for reading.

Feeeeeelings....

Ever notice how when you're upset or frustrated during the holiday season, people will tell you, "Don't worry, Christmas is coming." As if that's going to make everything better. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. But it doesn't fix my problems. It just puts them on hold for a day. Most of you know that I had pink eye all last week and that I was out of work until Thursday. Well, on Wednesday my co-teacher went on her lunch break and never returned. She just left. Mind you, I was out sick and had no idea this was going on. She had my phone number, she could've sent me a text message telling me she'd had it. She owed me that much. So on Thursday, I went in feeling pretty good. I was looking forward to getting out of the house 'cause I had been cooped up for four days. When I walked into the building, nobody in management had the courtesy to tell me that my co-teacher quit. None of them. I was there for an hour before I heard it from one of my other co-workers. I was absolutely devasted and I had the hardest time holding back my tears all day. I felt like I was being overly sensitive about it. But I mean, we were good friends! It was the last thing I was expecting. I mean, I don't blame her for doing that to the company, but she kinda screwed me over too, ya know? It's so selfish. Now it's my mess to clean up and I'm so tired of cleaning up everyone elses messes. I'm mentally drained. I don't like going into work, feeling like a prisoner. Yes, that's what I feel like! Once you go in, you don't know when you're going to get out! True story. It's been quite stressful there. I have kids in my class who are a pain in the friggen ass and they don't belong to me. They belonged to my co-teacher. Ugh....So frustrating.

I'm hanging in there, guys. Just waiting for that awesome job to come. Sent in 2 applications last week. Keep your fingers crossed. I need all the help I can get!

Anyways, Merry Christmas guys. Thanks for reading.

Sick Day

Alrighty, so somehow I've managed to get pink eye. Awesome, right? I can't even remember the last time I had pink eye. It's so embarrassing though. I look completely stoned. I went to the doctor today and he recommended that I stay home from work until Thursday (heck yes!). When he first saw me, his jaw literally dropped. He told me he hasn't seen eyes this bad in a long time. So here I am, sitting at home writing a blog with big, pink, puffy eyes. I woke up this morning and my eyes were literally glued shut because of all the nasty gunk. I had to pull them open. Oy vay. The doctor seems to think it's all my sinuses acting up and it's just coming out through my eyes. LOL Wow...

Enough about that. Ten days left until Christmas. I can't believe that. I don't feel like I've really had time to enjoy it at all. It all seems to be happening and yet, I'm not really embracing it. I don't really know why. But I'm still just excited. I've found some really awesome gifts for people and I can't wait for them to open them :) Yay.

Anyways, nothing else to report. Just wanted to write a small blog since I have nothing else to do and I can't really leave the house looking like this. Happy Holidays :)

Lala Is My Name, Random Is My Game

You know what one of my favorite things about Thanksgiving is? How little traffic there is. I know it sounds weird, but I've always been fascinated by that fact. Just looking out onto the street only seeing one car pass by about every ten minutes. For one day, most people are spending the day at home with the ones they love, without any other care in the world. I love it. I love that for just one day, the world stops completely. All you do is focus on the delicious dinner you are soon going to eat and you're enjoying your family's company. Random thought for the day :)

Ever since I've started this diet, I've been getting a lot of compliments - on everything. My clothes, my hair, my makeup, my shoes, my socks, my jewelery, how skinny I look, how pretty I am. Don't get me wrong, it's all very flattering. But at the same time it's a little overwhelming. I've never been good with compliments. I get easily embarrassed. I'm one of those people where I'd rather be complimented behind my back rather than to my face, you know? But at the same time, I love it. I need to hear it because it just inspires me to keep going with this, that it actually is working. I'm not complaining, so please don't mistake this for that. It's all new to me. For once, people are jealous of me. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit there. But you get what I'm trying to say.

I'm completely engaged in the Twilight book. I know, I'm just like everyone else out there. But it fascinates me. And what fascinates me even more is how much I have in common with the character Bella. Maybe I'll meet some hot, studly vampire who won't be able to stay away from me ;) Haha, totally kidding. I'm not that obsessed folks. But it really is a good book. I highly recommend it!

I'm excited because I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done. Now I'm feeling like Christmas. It was hard for me to get excited about it, with the whole Iwoa thing. Then I realized I was just being a Debbie Downer and I needed to suck it up. So that's exactly what I'm doing and I'm stoked for Christmas to come. Yay!

Alrighty, random blog. Random is how I roll though. Get over it :) I hope you all had a great holiday weekend. I certainly did! Take care everyone. Thanks for reading! Lala - out! (haha...oh I still think that's funny)

Just Keep Swimming...

Alrighty, so my last couple of blogs have been completely pessimistic. I'm really not this horrible person who is always depressed and only looks at the bad side of things. I'm actually quite positive. When I write my blogs, they are completely raw. No editing whatsoever (okay, well that's kind of a lie. I do check for spelling!) But other than that, everything you read is the thought that popped into my head the second before I typed it. So I would like to apologize to anyone who may have read my last blog and gotten upset by it.

I've come to the realization that this whole Iwoa thing is happening. You can fight it or you can go with it. If you fight it, it's going to be a lot harder along the way. If you accept it, then things will be a lot smoother. I'm not going to sit here and dwell anymore. It's not happening yet. I woke up the other morning feeling really good and content with life and I decided that I like feeling that way. No, my life is definitely not perfect. But I'm going to do my best to change the things that I have control over. I've already started with this diet I'm on. I've lost 18 pounds in 2 months. Think what you want, but I'm pretty proud of that number. That's more weight than I've ever managed to lose on a diet before. Yay :)

I'm going to do my best to stay as positive as I possibly can. That's the only thing I can do right now. Positive brings positive. Negative brings negative. As once quoted by a wise fish, I'm going to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." and take whatever is thrown at me with a grain of salt.

Well, I'm starting to draw a blank so I'm going to end it here. So long for now my fellow blog readers! I hope you all have an absolutely fantabulous weekend. Thanks for tuning in :) Have a great night.

Definitely Needing Some Holiday Cheer

I have the tendancy to dwell on things. It's definitely one of my worst habits and I hope to some day be rid of it. But for now, it's just who I am. Yes, half of my family is moving to Iowa. No, I'm not too thrilled about the whole thing.

At this point, I'm not really sure how I'm going to make it through this. I'm completely bummed on life. I try to get excited about Christmas, but then it hits me that this may be the last time I'll celebrate my traditional kinda Christmas, Christmas the way I know it.

I knew that we would all go our seperate ways one day, but this truly snuck up on me. I'm angry that this is happening. Not at them. I'm mad at the situation. I almost didn't want to go to the family gathering we had on Saturday because I was mad/sad. However, I knew I would regret that entirely. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to deal with things. If you don't face them, maybe they'll go away (haha yeah right). Well, this isn't going to disappear. This is happening whether I like it or not. Yeah I may put on a smile, but I'm hurting so bad on the inside.

I don't like to show my vulnerability to people. I'm definitely going to be needing some extra hugs through all of this. And as difficult of a time that I'm having with this, I know they're having an even harder time than I am. They're leaving everyone and everything they know. It's a scary thing. I'm trying my hardest to be as supportive as possible, but how can you be supportive of something you're completely against? Okay, I wouldn't say completely. If it wasn't for this move, my dad could be unemployed. So in that aspect, I'm all for it. And I completely understand. It's just a sucky situation.

I know this may not be forever (and I secretly hope it won't), but the thought of not having them near depresses me. Yeah we live in different cities, but it's only a hundred and some odd miles away. This is thousands of miles away. Hum dee dum...Don't worry folks. I will make it through this. I have amazing people that are here to support me and stand behind me through it all. I appreciate you all. For now, I'm going to cherish the time I have left with them. I know I'm talking as if one of us were dying or something and I apologize. Not my intention at all.

I love you guys very much. I'm always thinking about ya.

Sweet dreams.

Can Someone Please Take The Knife Out Of My Heart?

I got the dreaded phone call last night. Over the past few months, the company my dad now works for has debated on where to move him. First it was just between Tucson and Austin. Then Tucson was pretty much out of the picture and it was definitely going to be Austin. And then a couple weeks ago, his bossed asked him what he thought about Iowa. Well folks, it looks like my family members are going to be farmers. Iowa it is and bummed I am. It felt like someone had honestly ripped my heart out, stomped on it, threw it in a blender, and then stomped on it some more. I'm not going to pretend like I'm not sad because I am truly devastated. But at the same time I'm not going to be selfish. This is a great opportunity for all of them. My dad is very proud of his new VP position and so am I. I am going to need some reassurance that everything will work out though. I've been crying a lot off and on over the past 24 hours, which I think I'm entitled to do. The thing is, I knew this was going to happen and yet I wasn't at all prepared for it. But when the time comes, I'm going to suck it up, wish them luck, give them the biggest hug ever, and tell them I'll be seeing them soon. But right now I'm going to take advantage of the time I have left with them. This is all I have to say for now. There's so much running through my head at the moment and it's all jumbled up and not coming out clear. Just know that I love you guys.

A little bit less of me

Most of you know that I've started this diet called Smart For Life. Yeah diets kinda suck and what not, but I feel that this was the only way for me to actually get serious about losing weight. I've tried the whole eating healthy thing and whenever there was temptation, I would fail. I hate only being able to eat one meal a day, but this diet is working. Somehow I'm able to look completely past all the bad. I don't forget that the bad is there, but I'm able to look past it all. So far I've lost about 15 pounds in a total of 6 weeks, which I think is the healthy way to do it. They guarantee 15 pounds a month, but I'm not doing it as strictly as I'm supposed to and I'm okay with that. I'm not going to kill myself for a diet. I go in every Tuesday night after work and get weighed in. I'm thinking I may not be losing any weight this week 'cause I cheated on Friday night and had 3 small cookies...Bad Lauren. But I try to tell myself that I'm only human and sometimes tempation is going to be there and it's going to win. I haven't started working out yet. My mom and I are going to begin walking around the park again every night. And eventually I want to join a Zumba class. Yeah, bay-bay! As soon as I start working out, I think the weight will start to pour off. I'm completely excited though. I've never really lost weight on a diet before. So this is all new to me. I'm trying not to let it all get to my head though. But it amazes me how much of a difference people notice. Honestly, I don't think you're able to tell that much, but then again I see myself every day. People are always telling me how skinny I look, which is nice. I never realized how out of hand I let my weight get. The problem is that I'm not in high school anymore. While I was in high school, I wanted so badly to fit in with all my skinny friends. That was my motivation to lose weight. Then post high school, I didn't see all the skinny people as often and I started to become content with the way I looked, which isn't a bad thing. But I let it get out of hand. I would see myself in some pictures and think, oh my goodness, that's humiliating. That's when I decided I needed to start doing something about it. And here I am today.

Well, I didn't mean for this blog to be as long as it is. Thanks for stopping by :) Hope you all are enjoying this beautiful weather we're having today! Have a great week!

Change is Good

As we all know, we have a new president elect. I've never been one to follow politics, propositions, governors, yada yada yada. Politics isn't one of my better subjects and I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I know what I'm talking about when the subject is brought up. However, I believe that this was definitely one of (if not THE most) historical elections America has ever witnessed. Either way, we would have made history. If McCain had won, the White House would have its first female Vice President. I'm really looking forward to having Obama as my president. He seems like a genuinely good person and like he really cares about the people of America. I've said it to several people before and I'll keep on saying it - I feel like when he speaks, he's talking to you rather than at you. I actually cried when he won. Tears of happiness of course! I am so proud of America for looking past all the racial crap and actually accepting Obama and believing in what he stands for. I am so thankful that I was able to live during this election, because as I said before, this is going down in history and I find it to be amazing. However, people who say that they're moving to Canada....You know what have to say to that? GOOD! We're better off without you and your negativity. How can you be that stupid to actually believe that things are only going to get worse? I'm sorry, I have a hard time finding the sense in that statement. But anyway, I'm looking forward to this change. Obama is an incredible man and he's taking on a lot of responsibility. I think it's only fair that we give him all of our support. He has a huge mess to clean up and I think he'll do it successfully.

Okay, well I think you've read enough of me babbling on about a subject I clearly don't know enough about, but plan on becoming more educated in :) Stay positive, people. Positive brings positive. Until next time America - Lala out! (As in Seacrest out...hahaha...I thought it was cute)

Drawing a Blank...

Hmm...Well, I'm new to this thing, so I'm not gonna take up too much of your time. If you've read my blogs on myspace, you'll know I like to write basically about anything and everything. Writing is one of my strengths :) Alright, well, I hope you all have an absolutely fantabulous night and thanks for stopping by!