Definitely Needing Some Holiday Cheer

I have the tendancy to dwell on things. It's definitely one of my worst habits and I hope to some day be rid of it. But for now, it's just who I am. Yes, half of my family is moving to Iowa. No, I'm not too thrilled about the whole thing.

At this point, I'm not really sure how I'm going to make it through this. I'm completely bummed on life. I try to get excited about Christmas, but then it hits me that this may be the last time I'll celebrate my traditional kinda Christmas, Christmas the way I know it.

I knew that we would all go our seperate ways one day, but this truly snuck up on me. I'm angry that this is happening. Not at them. I'm mad at the situation. I almost didn't want to go to the family gathering we had on Saturday because I was mad/sad. However, I knew I would regret that entirely. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to deal with things. If you don't face them, maybe they'll go away (haha yeah right). Well, this isn't going to disappear. This is happening whether I like it or not. Yeah I may put on a smile, but I'm hurting so bad on the inside.

I don't like to show my vulnerability to people. I'm definitely going to be needing some extra hugs through all of this. And as difficult of a time that I'm having with this, I know they're having an even harder time than I am. They're leaving everyone and everything they know. It's a scary thing. I'm trying my hardest to be as supportive as possible, but how can you be supportive of something you're completely against? Okay, I wouldn't say completely. If it wasn't for this move, my dad could be unemployed. So in that aspect, I'm all for it. And I completely understand. It's just a sucky situation.

I know this may not be forever (and I secretly hope it won't), but the thought of not having them near depresses me. Yeah we live in different cities, but it's only a hundred and some odd miles away. This is thousands of miles away. Hum dee dum...Don't worry folks. I will make it through this. I have amazing people that are here to support me and stand behind me through it all. I appreciate you all. For now, I'm going to cherish the time I have left with them. I know I'm talking as if one of us were dying or something and I apologize. Not my intention at all.

I love you guys very much. I'm always thinking about ya.

Sweet dreams.